hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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