Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
