I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
