Swine flu. Run for my life!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
