I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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