you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
