i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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