put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
