He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
