K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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