Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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