sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
