When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
