I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
