If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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