"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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