I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
