How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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