He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
