Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
