Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize