apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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