I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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