this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
