there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
