i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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