she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and she was petting her beer can
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
