it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
