You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize