i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
