just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
