1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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