wrigley field is MILF paradise
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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