How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
