We won't sleep together?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
