normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love you. Go after that dick
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
