Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
