if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
