clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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