I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
