Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
