I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
