1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Someone shit on the floor
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
