I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
