Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
