I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
