if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
