saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
