need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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