break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
