Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
