i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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