hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
