did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
