Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
