About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
