Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
