You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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