I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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