True but thats because hes a fetus.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
