You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
