Kiss
Puke
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
