cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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