I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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