Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
