So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
