We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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