i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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