but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
