I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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